Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
