I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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