I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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