Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i think my cat just said my name.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
