I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
