dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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