I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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