another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
