hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
