I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
