Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
