Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
