Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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