Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
