sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
