i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
