Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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