i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Damn victory sex feels great
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
