That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
