This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
