Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
