I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Operation Purity has been aborted
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
