its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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