I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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