He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
