If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
