Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
