if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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