R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
