Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
