I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
