i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
