she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
