Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
