Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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