I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm jealous of your bromance
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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