i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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