I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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