im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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