so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize
