I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Randomize
