My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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