he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
