yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
