bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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