This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
