I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
