My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
