you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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