I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
